Torn
by queenmagnus
Summary: Helen sets sail on the Titanic putting an ocean between herself and her life in London. Could there be a more sinister reason for her departure? Unbeknownst to everyone is a far more greater disaster the ship of dreams has in store. Nothing too shippy, I just tried to expand on canon relationships
1. Chapter 1

Just a small fic that popped into my head today - probably 5 short chapters - reviews always appreciated - anyone else still miss Sanctuary?

* * *

Helen stirred as she sensed James move from the bed they shared. It was only recently that she let him into her bed. Nothing more than a comforting cuddle had occurred between them, not yet anyway. It been several years since she had let anyone touch her body in a more sensual way. Not since John had left. Not since the Ripper.

Both of their lives had been torn apart the night James had finally figured out the truth. A truth he had been blind to. Both he and Helen were still working on healing their broken hearts. It seemed only natural that they'd find the most comfort with each other.

It had started with a touch here or there, an embrace that lasted just a bit too long to be casual. Then there had been the night Helen's nightmares spilled over into reality, he screams echoing through the halls of the London Sanctuary. James had come to her and he held her until she found a semblance of peace once again. This was the first night she asked him to stay when he made to leave.

So he had.

He held her tight against him and for the first time in ages Helen Magnus felt safe. She slept soundly, her past forgotten in a dreamless slumber.

Tonight was the first night he had kissed her. They had enjoyed a quiet dinner out on the town. They strolled the streets of London and in the warm glow of a nearby street lamp she cupped his face and gently kissed him. Nothing was said as they made their way home but James felt a part of his own heart heal he had thought broken forever.

"Darling, where are you going?"

Helen was still half asleep, her voice barely more than a murmur. James leaned across the bed and placed a tender kiss upon her forehead.

"I've just had a thought about a recent case of mine. Nipping off to the Yard."

Helen didn't protest. She knew how much his recent case had enthralled him. The thrill of the case energizing him in a way she hadn't seen since before Whitechapel. Instead she rolled back over and pulled the blanket closer around her.

James smiled to himself and finished getting dressed, slipping quietly into the calm night.


	2. Chapter 2

James returned home to the Sanctuary mid-morning the next day. A fresh skip in his step and a half dozen sweet bread rolls as a gift for Helen. For the first time in years he felt good. His mind up for the challenge of a tricky case and his heart yearning for her love.

He walked into the foyer and his good mood was deflated with a sense of puzzlement. The place was practically buzzing. One of Helen's maids hauled a large suitcase and set it next to a small collection of bags situated near the front door.

"What the devil is going on here? Where's Helen?"

The young woman waved her hand dismissively as she hurried back up the stairs.

"She's in the kitchen!"

James made his way to the kitchens and could hear Helen's voice giving someone clear instructions on the proper feeding procedures for one of the abnormals housed there. He placed the rolls on the counter.

"Helen?"

Her body language shifted, becoming stiff and tense. She didn't turn to look at him and the young man she had been speaking to did not need to be told to leave the room. She turned vaguely in his direction, carefully not making eye contact with him.

"I'm leaving London."

"You're leaving Lond- Helen what the bloody hell is going on?!"

She quickly started making her way to the main foyer, still deliberately avoiding his gaze.

"I'm going to New York. To check on the new Sanctuary. I- I just need a change. In scenery. In people."

James had finally had enough, speeding up enough to grab her by the elbow and turn her to face him. She flinched horribly like he had branded her with his touch. When she finally made eye contact with him he was startled to see they were filled with tears.

"Helen, please tell me what's wrong? What I've done wrong? _Please_…"

Her eyes were full of emotion, there was something she wasn't telling him, something she ached to tell him.

And yet she didn't.

Gently she tore her arm free of his grasp and turned toward to front door. Her belongings were now being loaded into her carriage.

"London is full of memories I'd rather forget, James. I feel like I'm suffocating."

Her maid was helping her pull on her overcoat.

"What about me, Helen? What about us!"

He was feeling emotion after emotion. Confusion, sadness, anger. They had just started rebuilding their lives together. He had thought they were finally healing, moving on. What had he done wrong? Was it his long hours on the job?

She finally turned to him as walked to the door. Her face was free from the emotions of a few moments ago. Her steel façade in place, unreadable even to him.

"We need space James. Space from each other. Our feelings are nothing more than a replacement for our mutual loss and trauma."

The words were like a lance through his heart. All the healing, all the growth; gone.

"Helen, you surely don't mean th-"

"I'm sorry if you're too blinded to see it. It would not be the first time you've been too blinded by your emotions to see the truth laid out in front of you."

Struck dumb, he stopped in the entryway as he watched her walk to the carriage. She didn't even look back to him as the door was closed and the carriage jolted to a start down the cobblestone road. He watched until she was out of sight, frozen in shock and heartbreak.

"Dr. Watson?"

He was brought back to reality by the young maid.

"Dr. Watson, Miss Helen asked me to give this once she was gone."

She held out a small envelope to him and he took it eagerly making his way back into the Sanctuary. He found himself in the library, sinking slowly into one of the cushy armchairs he had so often shared with his dear friend. He carefully opened the envelope and found a short letter written in Helen's hand.

_Dear James,_

_I know this does not make sense and I'm not sure it ever will but if I don't leave now I'm afraid I'll lose myself forever. You've done nothing wrong and I cherish our time together more than you know. We're just not meant to be together in way beyond friends. I hope you can forgive me._

_-Helen _

James turned the paper over hoping for something more but that was all she had written. The other content of the envelope was the itinerary for her trip. They had talked about the ship, everyone in all of England had talked about it. And Helen Magnus was going to be a part of her maiden voyage. Of course she was. He crumpled the paper in his hand, true anger boiling inside him. Why wasn't this something they could have done together? Why did she have to go at alone? Stubborn, willful, selfish. She was being selfish.

He angrily got up from the chair making his way back to the foyer and out the front door. He needed to get as far from the Sanctuary and any other reminder of Helen Magnus as possible. He knew she expected him to see her off, to put aside his own feelings in favor of hers. But not this time. She made it clear she wanted to be alone and that's exactly what she'd be.


	3. Chapter 3

Helen arrived in Southampton feeling anxious about the journey to come. She watched as her bags and belongings were unloaded and broad on board the magnificent ship. The ship of dreams they called it.

It was a little under an hour to departure and she still hadn't caught sight of him. There was a part of her that started to worry that he wouldn't actually come. That she had wounded him in a way that might not be forgiven. When she could wait no longer she made her way onto the ship, unable to prevent the butterflies of excitement at being a part of such a momentous point in history.

Helen stood on one of the upper decks reserved for first class passengers and searched desperately for his face in the impressive crowd that had gathered to see the Titanic make its first trip across the Atlantic.

"Who you looking for darling?"

Helen started at the question. She hadn't realized someone was so close to her. She turned to look at the woman standing next to her. The woman reminded Helen of a bulldog. She was clad in elegant furs and some questionably gaudy jewelry but every inch of her indicated she was a woman who could hold her own and Helen could not help but feel drawn to her.

"N-no one. Just a friend."

"Must be some friend."

Helen shot her an annoyed look.

"Hey, I just call them as I see them and the look on your face seems to me to indicate you're looking for someone a lot more than 'just a friend'."

Helen sighed and closed her eyes, resigned to how transparent her emotions apparently were.

"He is, or rather was I suppose, someone I thought of as more than just a friend."

The woman smiled in triumph and nudged Helen playfully. Helen smiled a bit herself but her features turned solemn once again.

"But I ended it. We weren't a good match."

The woman frowned and wrapped her arm around Helen.

"Sweetheart, you're kidding yourself if you think you don't have feelings for him. I've know you 2 minutes and even I can see how much you love him. What really happened?"

"I'm sorry…?"

"Oh! I haven't properly introduced myself, have I? Margaret Brown. But my friends call me Maggie."

"I'm sorry Margaret-"

"Maggie, please"

"Maggie, then. I honestly don't want to talk about it."

Maggie seemed disappointed but to Helen's great relief didn't press the matter more. Instead she took to intently looking out into the crowd.

"What's this man of yours look like anyway. Sweet mercy! I think we're moving!"

Helen's heart sank as she too realized the ship had begun to move. She searched the crowd again but he wasn't there. She turned from the railing as the weight of the realization pressed in on her.

"He didn't come."

With a deep, shuddering breath she dropped to her knees and could not help the tears that spilled down her cheeks.

"Oh merciful lord… there there dear, it's alright. There there."

Maggie Brown had crouched down next to Helen wrapping her arm around her. She pulled a handkerchief from her blouse and dabbed at Helen's tears. It wasn't long before Helen had calmed and she sniffed loudly.

"I'm so sorry Maggie, you must think me a complete disaster."

"Heaven's sake deary! I know a thing or two about heartache and don't want any of your apologies. Why don't we head inside and you can tell me a bit more about yourself. Maybe start with a name?"

"Oh! I've completely lost my mind and apparently my manners. I'm Helen. Dr. Helen Magnus."

Maggie's eyes grew wide as the pair of them got to their feet. She looked at Helen with a quizzical eye.

"Doctor? Oh, Helen, I have a feeling there's a lot more to you than meets the eye."

She hooked her arm in Helen's and escorted into the ship.

* * *

James was sprinting now.

He had told himself he was not going to the port to see her off. He had sworn off anything to do with Helen Magnus. And yet here he was running down a street in Southampton hoping for one last goodbye. As he got closer to the port he heard the cheers of the crowd. He finally rounded a corner and saw the ship. Saw the ship as it pulled away. With Helen on board.

He was too late.

She was gone.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N: So I have to give a HUGE thank you to my 2 reviewers! I honestly didn't expect any response and getting that notification completely made my day. And I've almost completed this fic! This chapter is VERY short because I just felt it needed a longer pause than a regular page break provided :)

* * *

She didn't feel anything.

Her body numb and mind blissfully free of thought. She was at peace. Closing her eyes to the dark, starry night she welcomed the release from the mortal world.


	5. Chapter 5

James was at the Yard when the news first broke.

A young paper boy had come bursting in shouting loudly;

"It's sunk! It's sunk! The Titanic!"

Everyone seemed to start talking at once, some interrogating the boy to determine the truth in his words. It was clearly true as others bustled in off the street, the disbelief written all over their face. James didn't seem to hear any of it. His world had paused, frozen in shock. He felt a strange fullness in his head as he struggled to process the new information.

He walked to the boy without a word and grabbed him by his shirt, being sure he had the child's full attention.

"Survivors?"

"I-I don't know sir!"

The young boy's eyes were wide. James let go of him and walked out the door, his mind still in shock but recovering quickly. He passed people on the streets and it seemed all anyone could talk about was the Titanic. Some said there were no survivors while others said about half were lost. Helen was a first class passenger, surely that increased her survival odds. But it was also Helen Magnus, his gut twisted at the thought of Helen being told her life was more important than others simply because of her social status.

He could only hope she'd been selfish for once in her life.

When he began thinking clearly again he began making arrangements to book a ticket on the earliest ship across the Atlantic. He didn't care if she never wanted to see him again, if she were even still alive.


	6. Chapter 6

"Helen! Come on darlin', don't give up on me now."

Maggie Brown was furiously trying to revive her friend, searching for any sign of life. She had stripped off the heavy layer of clothing Helen wore and covered her with her own fur coat attempting to get her warm. She had barely noticed the puff of air that came friend her friend's mouth as she drifted peacefully in the water. The young woman had managed to pull herself partway up onto what looked like a broken headboard. She had barked at the crewman to fish her out of the water immediately and said a prayer to the gods that the she was still alive.

Now Maggie was tasked with keeping Helen alive. She rubbed vigorously all over her trying to use friction to create some heat. After several minutes of this she let out a sigh of relief as Helen's eyes flickered open briefly before closing again.

"That's it Helen. Open your eyes."

"M-m-m-maggie?"

Her voice stuttered and was a barely audible whisper.

"Yeah, it's me. I'm here. And I'm ordering you to stay alive. You hear that?"

Helen gave a weak laugh before a coughing fit hit her and she started shaking uncontrollably.

"Give me your jacket!"

Maggie barked the order at another woman who reluctantly obliged. She wrapped the second fur over Helen trying desperately to create some warmth in the cold night. Helen's eye's closed again but Maggie was relieved to notice her breathing get steadier even through the violent shivering.

It was when the sky started to lighten and Maggie saw the unmistakable silhouette of a ship that she truly thought they may yet survive this. Bending down to get closer to Helen she whispered;

"There's another ship, Helen. We're going to be ok."

* * *

The first thing Helen noticed as she regained consciousness was that it was light out. For one blissful moment she thought perhaps it had all been a dream. With a violent shudder, however, she realized it was far from a dream.

She tried to sit up but found her limbs heavy and weak. She looked about the best she could and concluded she was in a lifeboat. Memories flashed. A starry sky, screams that slowly turned to an unnerving silence, cold… so cold. Her body began to shake, the cold not yet gone.

"Helen?"

The body next to her shifted and Maggie Brown's blurry face came into view.

"Hmmm.."

It was all she could muster, a dull acknowledgement of her continued existence.

The next parts happened in a blur. They were hauled onto the deck of another ship. A blanket was wrapped around her as she struggled to walk. Maggie barking orders at someone to help her. Strong arms around her, lifting her off the ground. A young woman helping her change out of her wet clothes and putting on something warm and dry.

She still shook. Part from the cold and part from shock. She thought she might shatter her teeth from how violently she shook.

She sat on the edge of a makeshift cot, a cup of hot tea in her hands. She didn't drink but just held it, urging the warmth to leak into her frozen body. Her mind was still in shock, not quite processing the full trauma of what had happened. She looked around at her fellow survivors and felt more alone than she ever had before.

She longed for James.

But she had burned that bridge. He likely never wanted to see her face again after the way she treated him.

Emotion welled and she set the cup of tea on the floor, pulling the blanket tighter around herself. Laying down on the cot she let the tears fall from her eyes as she drifted off…

_James had left for Scotland Yard. She didn't mind. She knew how important his current case was. Besides she was already asleep and he'd likely be back in time for breakfast. Maybe he'd stop and get her some of her favorite sweet buns. She couldn't help a soft smile at that. James had helped heal her heart just as much as she had healed his._

_She had just fallen back to sleep when a crackle of electricity filled her bedroom and she woke with a start. She reached instinctively for the gun she had kept under her pillow only to remember she had put it away when James had started sharing her bed._

_A match was struck illuminating his face in the otherwise darkness._

_John._

_He lit a nearby candle, turning to face her. The wildness was in his eyes. The look of the Ripper. He stalked toward her as though hunting a wounded doe. Helen's heart was pounding as she watched him. She was frozen with fear. He sat down on the edge of her bed, a quizzical look on his face as he spoke to her._

"_So you're with him now."_

_This was about James. Of course it was. Helen could not help the exasperated scoff that escaped her lips. It did not go unnoticed by John who grabbed her by the wrist before she had time to react and teleported them away. They ended up in alleyway and John painfully pulled her arm behind her back rendering her unable to move away from him._

"_I saw you kiss him, Helen. I saw him hold you. And you liked it."_

_He spoke the words into her ear, a low growl cutting of each sentence. This was not the first time John had been threatened by her relationship with James. After it came out that he was the Ripper he had made frequent visits to taunt his beloved Helen. She who had tossed him aside in favor of his best friend. No matter the small fact that he was a cold blooded murderer. No, it was his jealousy that showed him in his true light._

"_John, please-"_

_He tightened his pull on her arm causing her to cry out in pain._

"_I'm not done talking, Helen. I've seen you two together, the infatuation."_

"_There's nothing going on betw-"_

"_Don't lie to me!"_

_He had pulled his knife from his jacket, the cold steel pressed threateningly to her throat. The beast wanted her blood. It always wanted her blood. It would be so easy to oblige the beast. But no. That's not why he had brought her here._

"_Listen to me, Helen. If I see you consorting with James again I will kill him. I will kill him and make you watch me do it."_

_Helen let out a small whimper and hated herself for it. She hated that he still had this power over her. She hated how much she still feared him. He pulled the knife from her neck and dragged her toward the end of the alley. It was then that she noticed they were right outside Scotland Yard. _

"_You see, I know you. I know you both. And if you don't believe I'll do it you haven't been paying attention. All those whores, I killed them all for you, Helen. So we can be together."_

_Helen bit her tongue before her response got herself into even more trouble. John was delusional. He had obviously spiraled deeper into his own psychosis. She and James had tried for years to find a way to help him and the only thing they knew for sure was how dangerous John truly was. She had no doubts that he meant what he said. That he'd kill James just for being with her._

"_Promise me, Helen. Promise you'll keep away from James and I'll leave you alone"_

_She very much doubted that. It was increasingly clear that she would never be rid of him. But she loved James too much to risk his life. She was not sure how she would tell James she wished to remain only friends but she knew she would do what needed to be done to protect him. She always did what needed to be done._

"_I promise."_

_The words were no sooner out of her lips when John teleported them back to her bedroom. He gently caressed his hand on her cheek as Helen fought the urge to recoil from the touch. In the next instant he was gone and Helen was alone. _

_Her mind raced as she went over John's visit in her head over and over again. Her eye caught site of an envelope on one of her tables. She picked it up and an idea started to take form. She had been gifted the ticket by the designer of the ship itself. She hadn't given any real thought to a trip to America. She and James had joked about going for the experience alone, to be a part of history, but his work was too important right now and she didn't want to go alone. But perhaps that was the solution. Putting an ocean between her and James should keep John's anger at bay. _

_She'd have to break his heart to save them both._

* * *

A/N: I'm a glutton for drama and love exploring the relationship between Helen, John, and James. Not a lot left to write on this one!


End file.
